Today we had a breakthrough. May not be big to anyone else….but to a mom of a sometimes-shy, slow to warm up, difficulty adjusting to new situations, clinging to mom for dear life with tears in her eyes when I’m about to walk away, little girl….it was a big day.
We started swimming lessons today. Big girl lessons. Lessons where mom would NOT be getting in the pool with her. Truthfully, I realized that I’ve been avoiding getting her back into lessons, because the thought of a screaming, crying 4-year old at the edge of the pool, clinging to me for dear life as I lowered her down into the water to her teacher…..not so appealing. Not at all.
But something magical happened last weekend when we were at the Jump family birthday party, where Macy was able to play in the outdoor pool at Jason & Karli’s condo. The girls started by sitting on the steps and splashing and kicking and playing, but soon, after encouragement from her Aunt Leslee and cousins, Macy was in the water, floating around in a life ring, kicking, giggling, and loving being in the water. And then? We couldn’t get her out of the water. Seriously….the girl was about to turn into a prune. But finally, I think shear exhaustion convinced her that it was time to go. As several people commented to me that night “you have got to get that girl into some swim lessons.”
They were right. It was time.
So, I did some research and we ventured out to the local high school swimming pool last week, where we observed the other kids during their lessons. Macy was very excited about being there and watching, told me that she really wanted to do this, and we came back for the sign up day, and were told “see you Monday morning!”
So, in preparation for this morning, I took the girls by myself (I mention this fact, by myself, because I consider this an accomplishment) to the YMCA for a family swim. It’s no small feat to have a 4 year old that doesn’t swim, and a 19-month old that doesn’t let go, clinging to you for an hour in the pool. Not to mention, getting said children into the shower, lathered up, rinsed, dried, and in their clothing on a slippery wet tile floor without someone cracking their head open. But we made it….mission accomplished. And I’m truly so glad I took them….they had SO much fun – and were giggling and splashing and kicking all over the place…and the zero entry pool is the best design ever invented. Macy asked me the next morning if we could go swimming again, and kept asking me when it would be time for her lessons to begin.
Fast forward to this morning as we pull up to the high school, get into the locker room, and Macy heads right into the showers. After she gets her head & face wet without complaint, she takes my hand as we head out to the pool area. Her steps slow down a bit at this point, as we head toward the instructor at the far end of the pool with clipboard in hand. I could feel her grip tighten a bit once we got there, and as she turned to give me a hug before she sat down, her eyes started filling up with tears. “I don’t want to. I just don’t want to.”, and she starts to put her arms up around my neck again. I kneel down to talk to her….and all of sudden she looks at me and says the following:
Macy: “Mom, I want you to go in the other room.” (Say what?)
Me: “What other room?…Oh, you mean you’d like me to go out front?”
Macy: “Yes, I want you to go back out there to the other room.”
Me: “Okay. I can do that. And you will stay here?”
Macy: “Yes. You go out there and come back in when I’m done.”
Me: “ummm….Okay. I can do that”
Macy: “Okay, one more hug.”
So, she hugs me, then turns and sits down on the edge of the pool in front of the instructor. And I walk away, not daring to look back until I got closer to the door. In my mind, I’m waiting to hear a scream or cry coming from the end of the pool, but I hear nothing. Then, as I’m about to push open the doors to the front desk area, I glance back and see my little Macy practicing putting her arms over her head and listening to her instructor. Of course, I had to sneak back in and watch from afar, and I could see her holding on to a kickboard and floating on her back. Mind you….for the entire half-hour, I was pretty much stunned, as I couldn’t even believe that she actually went through with it. I was beyond proud of her. At the end of the lesson, she came quickly over to me with a very excited look on her face, and I could tell that she was equally as proud of herself. She excitedly asked if she could come back tomorrow, and was even more thrilled when I said “YES!”
So on the way home, I asked more about her request that I “leave the room.” And after asking this question a few different ways and discussing it, this is how she explained it: “Mom, when you are there, I want to come over and give you a hug. But when you’re not there, it’s easier for me. So can you please leave again tomorrow?” I assured her that I would leave again the following morning (seriously, did those words just come out of my mouth?). She also shared this: “See mom, that’s why I can do ballet. You wait out front, and I go into to ballet class, and then I come out when I’m done. And I’m brave when I do that.” (there is no viewing area for her ballet class, so as not to distract the kids.)
So…I call this a “breakthrough’. A big one for us. My four-year old is articulating the coping mechanism that she has developed in her own mind, and it involves Mom not being in close proximity, especially with new situations. For her to be able to tell me that is huge – and who knows, this might end up helping us in the future too. And that is fine by me ….this falls under the category of “whatever works!”
***So, a little update -fast forward to tonight as I post this – she has now gone through an entire 2-week session, 4 days per week, and has literally gone to bed every single night asking if she gets to swim the following morning. And upon waking, she asks where her swimsuit is so that she can “get ready to go swimming!” I’m sure all the parents sitting in the bleachers think I’m some callous, uncaring mom that rushes out and doesn’t even care to watch her kid swim. But I don’t care….it works for us…and we’re sticking to it! As of this morning, she was jumping from the edge of the pool, out to her instructor, without holding a hand as she jumped and fully submerges and pops up (she dropped the hand-holding last week), floating on her tummy with her head face down in the water, and doing 10 bobs (dunking under water) in a row when they start class. If you would’ve told me she’d be doing this two weeks ago, I wouldn’t have believed you in a million years. YAY for our breakthrough!
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